it's been a while

I haven't visited this blog in almost a year. I'm revisiting this blog for one reason: I ended up logging into my blogspot and reading my various blogs...I have a total of three. One for randomness, this one for diet, another for food. Ironic I found it that I have a food blog that goes into describing such scrumptious and delectable meals. On the one hand, I have this where I get to talk about an obsession over weight. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a victim of a weight disorder or a body-image issue. I actually know I'm beautiful both inside and out--I may not come off that way sometimes because insecurities have the ability to surface but for the most part I'm pretty sure of my physical traits. I'm not a size 0 and I'm glad cus at least I can look somewhat normal in my clothing. I love my thickness but I know if I want to lose it, it's possible. My skin is how I want it, my hair is manageable and if and when I want to make improvements, I can just make a trip to Sephora...haha.

I'm no longer treating my body as if it's some kind of Transformer robot, easy to alter and manipulate into the ideal image in mind. With the struggle I faced with trying to work out, count calories, and regularly criticize my body, it actually helped me learn the hardest lesson: to love myself for how I look. In the last year I went through many weight changes...gaining weight excessively, losing weight, then gaining weight and now I'm back to losing weight. I'm back to where I've wanted to be and I didn't have to hit any extremes in order to get where I am.

I'm probably never going to be skinny...I honestly don't think I've ever been skinny, maybe when I was five? haha but I know that just because I'm not going to hit a size 2 doesn't mean I'm going to let myself go. I want to maintain this acceptance of my physicality and I don't want to risk compromising that if I just stop working out or not being cautious of what I eat. It's just more of a bigger picture type of dieting and exercise.

Things have definitely changed since my last blog. I'm single again, in my last year of college and ready to really live. I just promise myself no man will ever affect my self worth and value--especially when it comes to my body. And I know better than to turn to men about these things because they just simply do not understand.